Lupercalia
Dies Februatus • Lupercal
Decidedly Raunchier Gestures that Are Best Forgotten
About Lupercalia
Valentine’s Day may be about sweet nothings and tiny heart-shaped boxes, but Lupercalia is none of those things. This is a holiday for lovers who locked eyes across the fondue and thought, just wait till tomorrow. Lupercalia is bold and lustful and on the verge of blushing. It’s a day for consenting adults to get delightfully inappropriate, preferably behind closed doors. This is not a workday celebration, and it is definitely not HR-approved. You might think of it as the sequel to Valentine’s Day, but it’s a very different film: less Sleepless in Seattle, more Eyes Wide Shut crossed with a Mardi Gras comedy sketch. The key is tease and escalation. Lupercalia is a feast of play, provocation, and good-humored carnality. Notes left on pillows, winks across the room, outfits designed for exactly one viewer, and games with rules that invite improvisation. Just remember to disable notifications on your phone and save some energy for tomorrow’s festivities.
Ways to observe
(A) Low effort
This activity has been redacted for public safety
(B) Recommended
This activity has been deemed inappropriate and lewd
(C) High effort
This activity is only legal in parts of North Dakota
Inspiration
In ancient Rome, Lupercalia was a pre-Christian fertility festival that made Valentine’s Day look like a polite handshake. Held on February 15, it honored Lupercus, the god of shepherds and flocks, and Faunus, a horned nature deity with all the subtlety of a marching band. Men sacrificed goats, tore the hides into thongs (februa), and ran through the streets, playfully whipping women to encourage fertility. There were feasts, and there were feast-related pairings. There was enough wine to make the thong whippings seem flirtatious rather than simply terrifying.
We’re not recommending you bring back the goat-hide accessories (well, not all of them), but the spirit of Lupercalia still works: bodily joy, comedic seduction, and the blessed freedom to go a little over the top. Think of it as your annual license to stage the kind of surprises that would have landed you in detention—and still might, if that's on the menu.
Adornments
Watch
Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
Kubrick’s final film is a haunting erotic mystery that follows a married couple’s nocturnal odyssey through jealousy and desire. Bill Harford (Tom Cruise) ventures into an underworld of secret clubs, culminating in a surreal masked orgy ritual.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
A gleeful pastiche of 1950s B-movies, gender-bending science fiction, and glam-rock musical, this cult classic begins with a wholesome couple who find themselves stranded at a castle full of pansexual aliens dressed for a midnight cabaret.
The Love Witch (2016)
Set in a world of saturated Technicolor and vintage glamour, this retro-styled horror pastiche follows a modern-day witch who brews potions and seduces men in hopes of true love. Filmed in the style of a 1960s pulp melodrama, every frame is lush with velvet, candlelight, and eyeliner.
Secretary (2002)
Lee, a shy young woman, takes a job as a secretary to a demanding lawyer. What begins as strict boss-and-employee discipline soon turns into a consensual BDSM romance.
The Dreamers (2003)
Bernardo Bertolucci’s provocative drama follows an American student who forms an avant-garde ménage à trois with a Parisian brother and sister in 1968. Set during the Paris student riots, it is explicitly charged and sensual, with the three teens playing erotic games and re-enacting film fantasies.
Shortbus (2006)
An ensemble drama set in a fictional underground salon in New York City, Shortbus follows a group of lonely and searching characters—sex workers, artists, therapists—who converge in a communal space where intimacy and performance blur.