Callithumpian Triumph
Christmas Music Wind Down
The Last Day to Play Christmas Music
About Callithumpian Triumph
Today is Callithumpian Triumph, the wheezing finale of sanctioned Christmas music. After this, any carols played in public are grounds for intervention. But today we go out swinging. Forget Bing, or Mariah, or the weary strains of “Little Drummer Boy.” No. This day is reserved for the unsung bangers of the Christmas archives: dusty cassette tapes of failed Motown holiday experiments, cowboy ballads about reindeer, Yugoslavian synth-pop nativity tracks, and that obscure jazz-funk rendition of “Jingle Bells” that sounds like it was recorded inside a microwave. This is also a day for you to compose your own unimagined Christmas music. Gather your friends to form a ragtag callithumpian band (think pots, kazoos, didgeridoos, and any instrument that can be played while marching in a parka) and parade through the neighborhood playing your own barely-recognizable compositions. Write your own carol. Record a garage EP. Sample three yule logs and autotune them into a Gregorian chant. Perform one last off-key encore for your neighbors’ children, who already think you're a bunch of loons.
Ways to observe
(A) Low effort
Make a “Christmas Leftovers” playlist featuring only songs you’ve never heard before. Listen with open ears and a confused heart.
(B) Recommended
Host a Callithumpian Listening Party. Everyone brings a non-canonical Christmas track. Something weird, homemade, international, or unreleased. Rate them not on quality but on boldness, awkwardness, and staying power.
(C) High effort
Form an impromptu callithumpian street band. Rehearse nothing. March around your neighborhood playing DIY carols with pots, bells, didgeridoos, melodicas, or any instrument that inspires concern. If you can, process slowly past a nativity scene while performing a polyrhythmic Afrobeat.
Inspiration
A callithumpian parade was a 19th-century American tradition—essentially a chaotic, unrefined, often deliberately obnoxious public procession. There were no trained musicians, just townsfolk with cowbells, tin pans, horns, and patriotic rage. It was anti-authoritarian, anti-elitist, and extremely loud. That same energy animates Callithumpian Triumph: a loud, joyful rejection of the rigid canon of holiday music. Most of the Christmas music we hear year after year was locked into place by the tastes of mid-century baby boomers. They were songs released during one narrow window of American history. But thousands upon thousands of Christmas songs have been made since: soul, punk, disco, reggae, lo-fi house, high-concept folk operas, and more. They rarely break through. Today is their day. Callithumpian Triumph gives voice to the fringe and lets us all make cheery noise before the curtain falls on Christmas music (at least until July 25 on “Leon,” the halfway mark to Christmas—but that’s another book).
Adornments
Watch
The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
Infamous for its bizarre blend of sci-fi and variety-show camp, this TV special finds Chewbacca’s family celebrating “Life Day” with help from the Star Wars gang. What ensues is a cringe-worthy mélange of skits and musical numbers.
Jingle Bell Rocks! (2013)
A documentary dive into the universe of alternative and underground Xmas music. With appearances by Run-DMC, John Waters, and more, this film celebrates the misfits of the holiday songbook.
Listen
Santa’s Got a Sunburn by Barefoot Man
This beachy ballad swaps sleigh bells for shoreline breezes as Santa ditches the North Pole for the Cayman Islands. A cult classic in Caribbean holiday playlists, it’s pure goofy, sun-soaked fun.
Afehyia Pa by Gye Nyame
A Ghanaian highlife Christmas anthem filled with lilting guitar lines and richly layered rhythms. Sung in Twi, the track welcomes the New Year with warmth, joy, and unmistakable West African swing.
Eat
Japanese Kentucky Christmas Dinner
Every December 25th, millions of people in Japan line up for a bucket of KFC fried chicken, a tradition born of a clever 1970s ad campaign declaring “Kentucky is Christmas!”